I no longer say diet in the sense that you are following a restricted diet someone else has come up for you.  Your diet is simply that, YOUR diet.  Each day you tweak, learn, and you might mess up.  You need to learn and move on.  Planning on being fit and healthy can't be just a thing you do on top of our incredibly busy lives, it has to be part of your life, just like taking care of your kids and home, you job.  I am at nearly 4 weeks, and this is the first time I question any true changes.  I fight those demons off constantly.  This is not an instant result life style, but a process.  I imagine 4, 5 month down the road, and I see a woman who is just starting to look the way she wants.  My expectations of my weight are fading, there is no perfect number for me, perfection is in the eye of the beholder.  Each day I improve, tweak and add I try to embrace.  This week I added 20 minutes of cardio on my off days.  I did legs yesterday, and I am exhausted, sore and it was the last thing I wanted to do at 5am, but I was excited see that 20 minute mark pop up!!

I'm back

Wow, its been a couple of years since I was on this blog.  And I am still struggling! Actually, a ton has changed.  My husband deployed this year.  And what did I say?? That I was going to lose weight and get in shape.  5 months into the deployment I was up 10 lbs.  I joined the gym before he left, and I would go, but my diet was shit and I NEVER pushed myself.  So, I did what I never thought I would do, I hired a trainer.  Now, not everyone can do this, and why I can is a long story, but I can, and so I did.  I could not have been paired with a better trainer.  She is about a foot shorter, pure muscle, and she not only works me out, but she does something I never expected, she talks to me, about all my excuses, insecurities, past failures.  She even talks to me about my husband, my ex husband and my kids.  She is encouraging and understanding, all rolled into a tiny muscle lady.  Anyway, I started exactly 3 weeks ago today, on September 9th was my first day.  I go to see her 3 days a week.  I will be quick about the last 3 weeks.  She told me how to eat, but didn't put me on a diet.  I am not perfect, but I have given up a TON.  I was eating bagels at work everyday, with cheese melted on the top.  I was drinking bad coffee.  I would have a beer at night.  These were the first things I gave up.  So first things first, stop thinking its a diet.  I have done pretty good, I have had a few failures in the last 3 weeks.  Another thing, STAY OFF THE SCALE!!!  So, I have cheated once on that.
And guess what, it made me feel like SHIT!! I am trying to change my life, and guess what there is no easy way out to do it, I know, I have tried it ALL.  So I am going to write my SUCCESS story now, so here are my stats when I started 3 weeks ago.  I don't have my measurements, I will add those when she weighs me again.
So, I am 40 years old
I am 5'10"
I weighted 173 lbs

Things I am changing, I am adding cardio at least 4 days a week.  And guess what, you don't need 60 minutes of cardio, but a very hard 20-25 minutes.
I am packing my food the night before!
And I am continuing the fight the demon of food and drink.

Whats it going to take?

So the last few weeks I have done nothing right. Nothing fits, my body is puffy and fat, I don't even recognize my face. I don't want my husband to see me naked, and I feel gross all the time. I am searching for motivation and can't seem to find it. I eat when I am not hungry, I don't make the right decisions, I hear my excuse drowning my moms ears and I wonder, whats wrong with me? I got up this morning physically feeling sick, because I made no good choices in the last week of food and no exercise. What I did was hear me tell my mom how bad I feel about a house I am losing in Houston, a possible bankruptcy only that will affect me, a horrible job situations, and I am fat. So, what can I do? Really, at this point the only thing I can do is take care of me! Which would make me stronger to take on all the other issues of life, play with my kids, make crazy love to my husband, and feel success in myself which will in turn help me face life's little challenges in a healthy happy way. I need to stop thinking a few pounds lost will make it all better and realize the pounds will come off when I do better for myself. So that's where I am at today. My goal is to make RENEE feel better, by putting positive into me and in turn expelling positive energy into the world. So here's to feeling better!!

Can't deny the mirror!

So I get to my ZUMBA class. Was actually a little scared because I have never actually done an hour. I am looking around and the other women, all but one were my age, even older. The young one of course was in front of me with her perfect little ass. I am super excited and then the instructor walks in, she is well in her 50's, a bit chunky and I was like WHAT?? We line up and that's when I see myself in the mirror! Is that me? No, yes, yuck!! I wore stretchy Capri's. t-shirt and my tennis shoes. I was disgusted! I could see the roles under my t-shirt, my body has a weird way of having a chunk of fat on one hip and not the other, and my choice of pants did not help that. My other complaint on my body is that my leg are the same size from my calves to my feet, and the way my socks cut off my circulation I looked like I had fluid build up in my ankles. Yuck! My first thought was, Jon must really love me, or he is just hoping I stick to my plan, HE SAW ME LIKE THIS!! Do I run? No, I did the next best thing and moved to the back of the class, behind the hot girl, so I can't really see myself. The class was super fun. The instructor had more rhythm and stamina than most half her age. She was confident with her far from perfect body and bat wings. But as I ZUMBA'ed the night I made some plans for me.

I came home to my wonderful family. I stopped by walmart and got a Roasted chicken and salad. I talked to my mom, who has lost a ton of weight over the last year or so and keeps losing and looking great and she said it just clicked for her. I don't want it to click in my 60's but now. So I confessed my disgust and plan of action with my husband. He looked at me like nothing is wrong. But I can't imagine he is not cheering this on in his head. I told him I wanted to deserve a boob job before I turned 40 and he was great with that.

So, to end this, I didn't have any alcohol, eating not perfect, but better, and new plan for today. Bringing my running stuff to work, going to run a mile at lunch, see how this goes. I have about 3 weeks and a couple of days till my 5K and I am NOT ready!

So here is to all the excuses, the regrets, the guilt...I am leaving you slowly but surely and taking over my life!

Here is to a great day!

Renee

Really??

So its Monday, I am signed up for a Zumba class this evening, and I am trying not to feel like I am on a diet. I had my coffee, some yogurt, then I noticed what I do. With out even thinking about it, I took a bite of my sons sandwich. I realized I do this ALL the time. Bite of this, bite of that, finish this, finish that, and boom! I am not even calculating this into my diet, even though I know its bad!! So I am giving up 2 things this week, alcohol and snagging food from my kids. My other goals are to work out at least 5 days a week, and keep busy the Th and Th. I will only weight in on Mondays.

So, todays weight is:(OUCH) 173!!! What, really?!?!?!?! I am not sure how that happened. OK, 23 lbs to my goal.

When I make my goal weight, and keep it off for 1 year I am getting a boob job months before I turn 40.

I took a picture with a friend this weekend and I looked HUGE!! I am trying to have some self esteem, but then I see something like that, gross.

Ok, here we go, day one, week one!

Renee

What is wrong with me???!!!???

I did nothing right yesterday! After recognizing the problem, swearing to change...I don't!! I went to work and had a latte, not skinny. Then I got a gourmet hot dog with chips and salsa. For dinner I ate left over soup, a beer, candy and popcorn. I did not do one thing right, oh, except try to run and almost died! What am i waiting for? Monday? Why Monday? I am sluggish, tired, moody, bitchy, yet I am doing nothing to make me feel better. Today I ate 1 pancake with a tiny bet of butter and syrup, spoonful of eggs, 2 pieces of turkey bacon and some fruit. Oh and 2 cups of coffee. I am exhausted and unmotivated.

Not sure about where to pull my motivation from

I am back!!

Ok, so I am starting this up again. Please feel free to blog with me, to support this never ending cause to lose a few pounds. I got on the scale today and I am almost at an all time high. Do I eat perfect, no. Do I exercise everyday, no. Do I feel guilt because of that, YES!! I want this to be raw, I want to tell all, that way I have no secretes. I sneak candy bars from my co-workers desk, I buy a cheese bagel every morning I work (at least 3 days a week) I consume bread, cheese, whatever and some how I justify this. And all along, I keep gaining weight.

Here are the stats:

I am 171lbs, 5'10", I am 38 years old.

I want to be 150

I need to lose 21 lbs.

I want to work out 4-5 times a week (I mean REALLY work out)

I will give myself 6 months to achieve this goal, that is less than a pound a week!

I am a career dieter, but no expert. I like Weight watchers because I do not feel to deprived. So here we go, again!

Yesterday I was walking behind a woman, in blingy short, very short jean shorts, a tank top, super tan, super in shape, and I felt like a blob, covered up in my safety scrubs. I have NEVER in my adult life worn a tank top, I wear shorts and a t-shirt on the rare occasion I wear a swim suit, and I always wear 3/4 inch sleeve shirts. I just want to feel good, and I know now, its going to take a ton of work. Holidays will come and go, date nights, birthday party's, but I have to stay focused.

So lets help each other!