New lifstyle, day 1

Ok, so today I will start plan Z, this is my final attempt on changing my life style for good. First I am going to track my Calories on a great web site "sparkpeople.com" Exercise more, choose smaller portions and eat more fruits and veggies. I am confident this will be what I need and will work. I have not weighed myself today, and will wait till Friday. I am no longer going to put a number on my weight, but rather be happy with what ever I am. I am lucky, I have great support, I am not sick, just want to feel my best, which will make me look my best!! Renee

HCG day 7

OK, so I promised myself I would be honest. My weight was the same this morning, but last night I ate, I could not take it! And today i tried really, really hard, but I just don't think this diet is for me. I am going to do weight watchers again, I have actually learned a few things about myself. First, I dont like so many rules and restrictions on a diet. 2nd, I am in denial a bout a few things about "Renee" I went to the Dr. today and had a physical. I am 5'10" and my weight is well within the guidelines of where I should be. My cholesterol was 130, perfect. My Blood pressure was 102/70, perfect! I am physically in perfect shape, so why do i struggle with the thought of being skinnier? My husband never says anything bad to me, my friends or family never say anything, so why?? I know I cant eat Del Taco all day every day, I get that, I know I need to be more active and drink more water, ok. After the last week of suffering, all that seems so freakin EASY! I am going to stop trying to get to some number on the scale that will magically make me happy. What if that doesnt make me happy? What makes me happy is living a good life, and thats what I am going to do. I realized i like apples, and grapefruit, veggies and lean meat, they are good! I like drinking water with a little lemon and organic tea. I like hiking, walking, riding my bike, playing Wii. This diet is great for somebody who has 20plus lbs to lose, you will see results, shrink your tummy and learn to eat. But for me, someone who needs to work out more, and make better choices, no. I am not skinny, and my body image is very poor, but looking back at what I have done, I know what I need to do. I need to mentally let go of the stupid comments I have heard over my lifetime and start with the Renee that is sitting here now.

Update

Down another pound, have cold meds on board, hoping for a great day.

HCG day 6

Well, take me out back and shoot me like an old dying dog, because that is what I feel like. I feel so horrible, the thought of getting through this day seems impossible. I need to take meds for cold that require food to be on my stomach so I am eating an apple with my coffee breakfast. I am to weak to do what I need to do today, so what do I do?? I am assuming if this cold didnt come on, and I was well I could do it. I said I would do this and suceed because I have made all the mistakes, but for ME, I can not really survive off of 500 cal a day. They say you can only do low impact workout for 20 minutes. At my job I am on my feet all day, going up and down stairs, not to mention a mother to 2 kids, both very active. My low impact workout is ALL day. I will continue today, see if it gets any better, my friend is loosing weight and the hunger is diminishing. She is doing great on this actually, I am really proud of her, but her story is her story, mine is mine. Ok, dragging myself to the shower, wish me luck!Renee

HCG day 5

Well, I lost about a lbs again. But the way i feel it should have been more. Through the night I could feel a cold or something coming on. I worried because I feel so weak, how can a fight a bug? The day went ok because I was so busy, then around noon I ate lunch. It was bland and unsatisfying to say the least. I am dizzy, fog headed, and it feels like my peripheral vision is gone. I am not thinking straight and forgetful. I feel weak and sick and i hate it. So far the thought of eating something like baja fresh or pizza is overwhelming my every thought. I drink tea to curve my appetite and it doesn't even work, I drink water to fill me up and it makes me nauseous. I am sitting here, looking at the computer and its not really even registering what I am writing. I am not sure I can do this, I am suffering for a few LBS and I can't take it. I miss good food, beer, bread, candy. This diet has you convinced if you put lotion on it will fail, and baby oil makes my face and body and hair greasy, yuck, yuck yck!!!!!

HCG day 4

So I maybe lost a Lb on my first day. I weighed my self when i got up and I was the same, an hour later I was down a LB, so I don't know. At work today they brought bagels that I resisted even though by 9am I WAS FREAKIN STARVING!!!! I text my friend who is also on the diet and she said to eat an apple, well, I did not bring an apple. So one of the guys I work with had one and I asked if I could have it, I ate it like a homeless person who found it in the garbage!! I had lunch, and guess what, it was somebodies birthday and they brought Red Velvet Bunt cake!!! Yes, I admit, I had a tiny peice.
This is almost unbearable to me, I am hungry and that makes me MISERABLE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I want to eat and I want to eat BAD!!!!! So I had dinner, some stew meat in veggie broth and grapefruit, not sure if its approved, but I am to tired to worry about it right now. I am hoping tomorrow is better, they say your stomach shrinks, I hope it happens fast.Renee

HCD day 3, midday

OK, so I have drank more water today than i normally do, and some tea. I had an early lunch. Shrimp, asparagus, and strawberries, all cooked as instructed. It was a good amount, and although I am not stuffed, I am full. I am having another cup of tea as we speak, but I do have the cravings. I was fixing the kids lunch and really wanted to snack on it, but I didn't. I know this has been labeled as a starvation diet, but actually its good proportions of proteins, fruits and veggies. You just eliminate carbs, fats, and snacks. You can have sugar free jello, so I think I will get some of that. So, just feeling a little bad about the snacking thing, and realized I must consume a lot of calories nibbling and finishing there food. OK, I feel better now, time to get some more things done and keep drinking water/

HCG Day 3

Ok, so this begins the actual diet part. I weighed myself and I gained 2 lbs in the last 2 days, but was up 2 already from my 8 lbs loss. I took the drops and had my breakfast...black coffee. I got some tea that should help with the hunger. I am supposed to drink tons of water, no exercise. I am hoping to keep busy and not worry about the food, but I know this will be hard. When I get on the scale tomorrow after a successful day today I will be happy.Renee

HCG Day 2

Ok, so yesterday I took the drops as instructed. Had Sausage and eggs for breakfast, coffee, few Cheetos, Chicken nuggets, FF, coke for lunch, few chips, ice cream, steak, potatoes, salad for dinner, and a beer. Not sure if it was enough, but it was fun. Today i am going to have some coffee and probably eggs, sausage and pancakes for breakfast. We are going to a BBQ, so I plan to fill up there today. Went to grocery store and got all the food to eat while I am dieting. I am actually really nervous because this does not have an appetite suppressant, and I am going from eating like crazy to eating nothing. So, I will enjoy my day.....cause it all ends tomorrow! Renee

HCG Day 1

OK, so I didn't sleep well last night and I have been up since 5am. Its 6:41 and and I am showered and ready to start!
Rules:
No gums, no mints, no lotion and moisturizer, this is for day one, other things are a no no along with these for day 3-15.
I can use mineral oil for skin. There are fats in cosmetics that are absorbed.

The first 2 days you eat fat like crazy, this is to jump start your metabolism. I have weighed myself and I am 16 lbs from my goal.

I am going to take my drops in the AM, before lunch and before dinner.

This is going to be the fun part....eat anything and everything!!
Wish me luck!

The HCG diet

So, I am going to start the HCG diet tomorrow. Its a controversial diet, its extreme, but if done correctly supposed to work. My plan is this, follow exactly, blog to look back at mistakes, and then when the phases are done return to WW to maintain. I am doing a 15 day cycle, I am hoping for a 10-15lbs loss. The first 2 days you eat like crazy, then you start a 500 calorie a day diet, with a list of foods you can eat, and how to eat them. No fats, oils, butter etc.
So tomorrow i will start, lets see how this goes! Renee 10-15lbs to go!!!

Feeling guilty

At my son's birthday party I ran around so much and danced that I am sure I offset any bad choices I made. We had a great time. I started a new job and it looks like I will be working everyday through the week. This I am not use to. I get up at the crack of dawn, get lunches ready, outfits, lists for nanny, try to clean a bit. I put my boys on a schedule (thanks Kimmon) that will take 2 weeks for them to get use to. My goal is to get up by 5 am, work out, get ready for work. So that means I need to have all this other stuff done at night. Ok, I am rambling about mommy stuff and not my diet. So I get home yesterday, I already cheated on the diet, they brought donuts to the orientation I was in, I had el pollo loco for lunch, and a peice of V-day candy. I get home, and what is in my face?? Birthday cake!! Yes, I started eating the frosting off it while I was cooking dinner! AAGGHH!! So after we ate I let Jax and Zane destroy it and I threw it away. Goals, again: Drink a lot more water, exercise at least 5 times a week (Yay, my mother in law bought us Wii fit plus) Curb the sweet tooth! Have a good day starving like I am. Renee (12 lbs, give or take)

Friday, scale day

Well after a week of fighting this diet I lost 1 lbs, which I am thrilled about. I am looking back and seeing my mistakes, and part of me knows if I had stuck to it better I would have lost more, the other part is very happy I lost a lbs and didn't gain 3. My goal is to make 99% of my choices good ones, but leave that tiny buffer for a craving. So, for this week, even though I have said it in the past, drink more water, get more active, and make most of my choices good ones. I am 1 more lbs closer to my goal, and that should keep me motivated. Renee (12 more labs to go)

January 27. Getting over fear of ball sweat

So, this week I joined the gym.

I haven't been a member of a gym in almost 10 years. I have a fear of germs, crowded space (people breathing), and above all ball sweat. Yes, you read that right. Not sure what the phobia is called, but it terrifies me. When I go into the gym and look around at all of the heavily breathing people, my heart begins to pound....then as I look at the equipment, I just imagine ball sweat on everything.

I dug deep and went for it. 30 minutes of running and then about 45 minutes of strength training. Thats all it took. Im hooked. I felt amazing. Im so sore....a sore that running alone does not give me. Today was day 3 at they gym and Im shooting for 5 days a week.

Looking forward to weighing in this friday!

This sucks!

I am struggling, everyday. I am trying to make the right choices, I really am, and most of them are good. Yet i feel bloated and puffy! Why is this so hard. Why do you do so good, then BAM! You think you can get away with murder? I asked my husband to get me a cadbury cream egg last night while he was at the store, what did he bring home?? All the stuff to make Fondue!! Sabotage!! Sabotage!! Then he tells me, just eat one thing!! Are you serious!! Could I get to a point where I say NO to that stuff? Ok, here we go again. Regroup, just because you lose a few pounds its not the golden ticket to Fuck up! Renee, struggling again with hopefully 13 lbs!

Scale day

I had a really rough day yesterday. All my decisions weren't perfect, but I tried to drink lots of water, eat some veggies, and make my meals sensible. I feel better today, like I am focused again. Ever since having my second son, about two weeks before my cycle I have a day that I think my life is going to fall apart, yesterday was that day. But today is a new and wonderful day! So what did I lose........drum roll.......3lbs!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Wow, I would have been happy with 1, I am ex tactic with 3!!!!! It just goes to show if 99% of your decisions are good, you get active, even if its a little dancing with your kids, you can still have a piece of candy, chocolate chip cookie, or a cocktail at the end of your stressful day and STILL lose weight! So good luck to all you starving mommies....there is a light at the end of this LOOOOONNNNGGGG tunnel!
Renee (a not so impossible 13lbs!)

January 21, 2010. Day 2 of "getting it"

So yesterday I had an awakening.

This is life.

I can either fight it, continue to waste time looking for the magic pill, the quick fix, cracking a joke or I can get real. I chose to get real. I can NOT keep starving myself all day, and eat a big dinner and cocktails..... and actually expect to change my body. .... even with running.

Ive been craving dinner leftovers today. So, rather than fixate on it all day long. I chose to have a small serving for breakfast, and I'll opt for a protein shake for dinner. I dont feel guilty and I will burn it off throughout the day.

Ive also released my addiction to the scale. Ive vowed to only weigh myself on the first of the month.

Im no longer saying I have to loose 46 lbs. by June 1st. Theres no end date to this. If it takes until June of 2011...so be it.

Each day I am committed to make healthy eating habits for myself and healthy cooking habits for my family.

I was going to get a two year subscription to Savour (foodie magazine). I opted for Runners World instead.

I tossed out the pack of cigarettes hidden over my stove behind the vases...the pack typically will last me a year.

Im reorganizing my closet and tossing fat clothes. Gym wear front and center.

Im committed to speak kindly to myself and find a part of my body that is beautiful everyday (even if its earlobes for the first two weeks).

My social calendar is going to look different. Instead of meet for martinis, its going to be meet for a run. Instead of taking boys bowling where ill be tempted with beer, Im taking them sledding where I can run hills in the snow..... Being the active mom they love.

Im doing this for my marriage, my boys, but mostly for myself. Im taking control of my life.

Little changes will bring big results.

~Kimmon (46 lbs to go)

Hmmm

I am not sure what it is, I am struggling this morning!! I am sitting here starving, thinking all kinds of bad thoughts. I had egg over medium and a yogurt, my coffee, usually that holds me over until about 10am. But found myself looking around for something to eat, it it wasn't good choices. I noticed I now am always talking to my subconscious. Debating with myself, coaching myself, trying to make the right choice. Even though I didn't want it, i grabbed a V8. It seems to be helping, and so does writing this. I have lots to do today, so I need to keep busy and make the right choices. I am going to make some green tea and do laundry, and try to keep doing the right thing.
Renee (16lbs to go!)

This is great!

I have to say I have been on thousands of diets, thousands, and I have never felt as good as I do right now! Yesterday i had kind of emotional day, and I really wanted to go to some Mexican restaurant, eat chips and salsa, drink Margaritas, and eat till I popped. i talked myself out of that, then I was going to go through a drive through, and I passed Micky D's, Del taco etc., and didn't stop. Instead i came home, had a bowl of tomato soup with lots of hot pepper and a few crackers with Happy cow cheese. And you know what i felt GREAT!! For a food addict, that was a great achievement. Made a sensible dinner, danced my ass off a bit and went to bed.....bang! Great day! Saying no to the voices in my head felt so good, i finally took control back, doing it for one day made it seem possible to do it everyday.
So 2 tips, Taco bell has a fresco menu that is WONDERFUL! And a steak burritos is full of fiber. i don't even miss the cheese. Can you pair it with nachos...no, Cinnamon crisps...no, but you wont need it, trust me.
Next tip, at Wal Mart in the exercise section Hanes makes these sweat pants that are so freakin comfortable. They have an extra wide waste band (I HATE the skinny ones that fold over under your possible rolls), and I am 5"10" tall, so finding long sweats is like impossible, these are nice and long, and guess what $5!!!! They are phasing them out, so go get a pair, you will thank me.
I am going to weight myself on friday morning, I am not even to concerned about a number that may come up, because the last few days i have never felt better. So come on mommies, take back the control!! Renee (16lbs to go)

Getting better

Yesterday went super good, my breakfast was gross, but I managed to eat enough to not be starving, drank more water, lunch I wasn't starving, had a bowl of tomato soup and added hot pepper and a pinch of cheese. Kept myself really busy, friends stopped over, then had a great dinner, practiced portion control although there was nothing bad in it. Then I "Just Danced" for over an hour, until I couldn't lift my arms anymore. Had some more water and went to bed. Felt a ting of hunger, but it passed. Then my husband has the balls to ask me to go to the store to get some chocolate!! I of course refused. I don't keep deserts in the house, never have. I will buy if requested, and have little control if its here. So I just don't keep cookies, ice cream, chips, etc here. In fact that's one good thing WW teaches, give your kids what you can eat. Sure, I get them little fishy crackers, little snacks, but I don't really like that stuff so its not a threat. But they have been eating carrot sticks, nuts, string cheese, yogurt right along with me. Two things I want to change today, first instead of 2nd cup of coffee going to make green tea, 2nd, bring in a little more veggies. This is actually getting better if you can believe it. Stop obsessing about food, stop fighting with the word "diet", get active and make the right choices. To another great day! Renee 16lbs to go!

Day 4 babeee!

So yesterday I went to a movie by myself. I have no problem with this and enjoy going to see a movie I can cry to without somebody asking me whats wrong. I also packed some air popcorn I made and a diet root beer. Did not feel deprived at all. I went to Wal Mart after that and got some things for dinner, all healthy choices. Then I saw it, the huge containers of cadbury cream eggs! I call them devil eggs because its the devil on my shoulder that tells me to get them, and I hear nothing from the angel because she wants it too! So, I got it, I already know its a 3 pt sacrifice to have one little egg. So I got it, thinking will there a be a day when I don't want them, or the little Sweetheart candy, or peeps, probably not. So it ended up I really didn't have a lunch because of the movie being at lunch time, I made a great dinner with shredded bbq (LITE) chicken I made in the crock pot, reduced fat cheddar, whole wheat bread, and green beans. I also made a drink. Later that night was a bit hungry so I had a few raw almonds. Not to bad, was it great to skip lunch, no, did I really need the candy, yes. I don't think we should deprive ourselves of every desire, it makes us angry. I also drank more water (that I mix with crystal light) and worked out a little bit (more than I have). So overall not a day I can be mad about. I am going to stay off the scale till Friday and know a 1lb loss is ok and healthy! Have a great day starving! Renee(16lbs to go)

Dedicated

1 cup of coffee, sugar free creamer, 1 egg over medium, 1 piece of high fiber bread with spray on butter, not a bad way to start the day. I am also going to write down everything I eat and deduct points even though I am not going to the meetings till I meet my goal weight. I am getting ready to do my Wii just dance, which is the kind of exercise I LOVE. I think i am going to ask my husband to get the Wii fit plus to add on to the Wii fit I already have. I just don't have time to go to the gym, so I have to get creative on my exercise routine. My toddler will actually sit and watch me dance, which is good, otherwise he is hanging on me or wanted my undivided attention. So, my goal today, do some sort of exercise program, and work my arms, I WILL wear a tank top come warmer weather! Good luck to all of you who are starving too! Renee (more like 16 lbs to go!)

The Intruder!!

So I was taking my shower this morning and as I had my eyes closed washing my hair I felt like I saw a shadow, almost scared to open my eyes to see what it was! Was it one of my boys, did someone break in (Oh god they are going to see me naked!) Well I knew none of that was possible so I opened my eyes, glanced to the right, and then i saw it! It was the wings under my arms! Then to add more disgust, I shook it to make sure! It was my arms, I never really noticed the flab, so was this new or have I avoided for so many years the look of my arms all bare and flabby. Anybody who knows me knows my arms have been a lifetime curse. I only once bared them at my wedding, and to this day when I look at my wedding photos I go straight to my arms and critique them to death. So, did this cause me to do a bunch of push ups, arm rolls, yoga, palates Something?? No, unfortunately like every other day I covered them up, went about my day as usual. I did drink more water, but I snagged a few fries from one of my sons lunch, pretty much snacked through out the day and made OK choices. Not my best day, but as I look back, I know I need to have more structured meals and snacks, and I NEED TO WORKOUT! Renee (15 0r 16lbs to go)

Orange Bikini Diet Therapy

Vitamin Packet in Water......25 calories (to combat martini hangover from previous night)

Today I am committed to eat more vegetables than anything else.

Going to run and shooting for a 700-800 cal burn.

Ten years ago I used to do a popular local hike that was 12 miles round trip. I did it wearing an orange bikini and hiking boots. Great ass. Great tan.

I still have that orange bikini and although the tiny triangles are the size of an eye patch. I vowed this morning, that if I cheat...I have to do it wearing the orange bikini.

So if I want the goose-tinis, I can have them I just have to put on the bikini while drinking.

chocolate. bikini.

~Kimmon (delusional 46 lbs to go)

Morning of 2nd day

So after a lovely night of being kicked in the head by my 2 year old I woke up refreshed and ready for the day! rewind that, I woke up more tired than when I went to bed! What I did think about was my day of dieting. One thing I am going to change today is drinking water. I thought about yesterday and know I didn't consume any water, except for what might be in diet soda and my Michelob ultra. Also, I am trying to do weight watchers, I am actually a lifetime member, but I am not going to go to the meeting until I get back to my goal weight. I really don't want to have to spend 12 bucks a week to have somebody weight me and then go to a meeting a recieve stupid stickers! My goal weight may not seem like a lot to some people, and if you see me in my clothes you may think I really don't need to loose weight. But I am 36 years old, I have two young kids, I have never worn a tank top because I hate my arms, never not worn a t shirt and board shorts when I got to a pool, or any water, have not comfortably worn shorts in my whole life, and I am tired of that. I simply don't feel like I am where I want to be physically. So like I told Kimmon, by 16 lbs and then the lifetime of realizing I can't eat what I want whenever I want makes my struggle just like hers, just like a woman who needs to loose a 100lbs. Ok, so i am sitting here drinking my coffee that i measured the cream I put in, and somehow feel like today will be a great day!! Good luck to all you in this fight! Renee (16 lbs i wish I could poop out!!)

Dinner disaster

I haven't been great all day....but I was pretty good.

I blew my diet out of the water tonight. I made a grilled BBQ chicken sandwich with apple wood bacon, smokey cheddar, chipolte mayo, tomatoes, avocado, and grilled onions. I did use "diet bread". bonus.

Vodka martini. Ok. 2 vodka martinis.

I think Im being self destructive because it hurts to run. I hurt my knee on the "deathmill" my husband bought me. He literally bought it off a dead woman. Im convinced it killed her. It is set on a permanent incline (level 4). When I wear my heartrate monitor, I burn twice the calories. ...opposed to running on the road. So, hurt my knee and I am convinced I cant loose weight without working out.

enter....chicken sand w bacon, cheese, and avocado. and mayo.

sigh...... (sip) (martini).

Tomorrow Ill eat like a super model. air. carrots. sunshine.

(yeah right)

~Kimmon (a delusional 46 lbs to go)

Bust

Today was such a bust. I ate candy, taco bell, been snacking all day. All the while knowing I shouldn't be. Now i am sitting her drinking a Michelob ultra that totally screws up my stomach, but thinking I don't need the calories of a real beer. Crazy. You think when you mess up on your diet that the next day will be better cause you cheated and you should know all that food is not all that great and not worth it. So I will say, tomorrow is a new day. I may not be perfect, but i can do better than I did today. So goodnight, tomorrow will be better, it has to be. Renee (15 lbs to go)

day 1

Kimmon and I are starting this blog to put dieting into perspective. We are both wives to Firemen, mom to two boys, and both of us love food and are trying to loose weight. So we are writing down everything, and this is somehow going to help us. Let me just say I a writing this on my first day of dieting (2nd attempt this year) While I am eating Valentine candy that i got from the dollar store. Renee (16 lbs to go)